so here's what's new...

nothing and I'm pretty sure its gonna stay that way because I am finally on FaceBook. May I say it makes me feel like a real dork, but it seems like I can't stay away. I have already been in contact with a few people I haven't seen in years, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonnna like this. As long as no one I hated in high school finds me we're all ok. 

I hated most people in high school.

coming out of the closet

Most of you know that my youngest daughter is 16. I just cleaned out my hall closet and found a coat that was size 10. Little girl 10, not big girl 10. I got rid of gloves that would fit Max, scarves that were early 90s at best, and some strange incense. I put everything in a bag for Good Will, who I'm sure will be thrilled to get winter stuff just as the daffodils are blooming. They will also get some vacuum cleaner bags for a vacuum that I bought used more than 20 years ago. I know they love to see me coming.

Now I can put my vacuum, table leaf, four folding chairs, and six coats easily in the hall closet.

I also started a Lenten devotional today. A week ago Wednesday was the start of Lent, for those of you heathens that don't know that. The devotional is on prayer so I guess you could say I'm cleaning out my prayer closet, too. Ha ha, groan.

I also wrote a letter that I have been meaning to write for over a week. No closet references there.

My point, if I had one, is that I am a terrible procrastinator. I wouldn't be so bad but it seems like late is often really better than not at all. My closet is really clean and I did three days of a simple devotional and I might hear back from someone I thought I lost contact with. 

I inspire myself so much that I may go tackle something else... later.

sometimes my job sucks

Anyone who knows me knows I love my job. I am grateful that after 20 plus years of being at home and with no college degree I was given a job with so much satisfaction. Everthing I get to do fits some little niche in my personality. I get to be around books and people who love books. I get to help people one on one and they think I am smart. I get to be creative and to make things, someting I never knew I was good at.

Very occasionally the job can be heartbreaking. People come in for all sorts of information. A young girl, giddy and giggly, takes home books on what to expect now that she is expecting. A grandmother, voice breaking, whispers to me that she needs information on what to do for a child who has been molested. 

The other day was the worst.

A woman who appeared to be in her thirties or fourties, spent a long time on-line, printing out information from Planned Parenthood. Everything prints out from the front desk, so she had to come up to collect her copies and pay for them. She did this a couple of times and each time I was the clerk to help her. Right before she left she came up to get one last document. 

It was an informed consent form to perform the procedure on a minor child.

I took her fifteen cents and prayed. 

I feel awful.

i'm giving up my best friends

for Lent. I don't think I've ever sucessfully given up anything before. I remember once trying to give up sugar. You can imagine how that went.

This morning I was wandering around, opening the curtains, sipping coffee, just the usual morning thing, when it occurred to me that today was Ash Wednesday. I grew up protestant so I didn't know what Ash Wednesday was until after college. I was working in a clothing store and made the embarrrassing mistake of telling a woman that she had a smudge on her forehead. 

Anyway, about the time I realized that today was Ash Wednesday, I realized that I hadn't yet had my morning meeting with my best friends. That would be Matt, Meridith, and Al, or Robin, Diana, and Sam. I have watched morning "news" every morning for decades. I used to be a die hard GMA fan but after Charlie Gibson left I switched to the Today Show. Lately I have been watching which ever one is the least depressing. I will run across the room to change the channel whenever any talk of the economy comes on. If Dave Ramsey is on I am even faster. He is seeming a bit smug these days.

So I am giving it up for lent. I'm not sure how I will manage. How will I know what is up with the octuplet mother? What if they have an on air wedding and I miss it? There are probably going to be new color palates for spring and I'm not even going to know what they are! 

This morning I listened to Norah Jones and did a cross word puzzle. I'm planning on getting a little more spiritual with this, but that wasn't a bad start. Actually it was a much nicer way to start my day.

Let me know when Lent is over. I may be on a walk or have my nose in a book.

bad cusser

As soon as I posted the last post I felt awkward, but when I went back to edit it I saw that it was too late. I should have used cartoon cussing @$$#*%! or said poop head. I think if you are going to cuss you should do it with a completely clean conscience but when I do it I feel like I am in fourth grade, trying it out for the first time.

I will try to redeem myself. This morning Brother Al led music. I love his Sinatra renditions and the fact that he chooses old choruses that I haven't thought of in years. I also love that he has a running commentary that is relevant and useful.

Today he said that when God's love is mentioned in the Psalms, it is preceded more than 20 times by the word unfailing. That is such a comfort, not just as a lovee, but as a lover. I fail people all the time in the way that I love them. I'm so glad that the Creator of love has me covered and He does a much better job of it than I do.

I'm not going to stop trying, though. Just thought I should warn you.

Today God gave me an Anne Lamott book. Ok, He made me pay five dollars for it, but it is hardback and just what I need. I don't know how many of you have read Anne, could be that you wouldn't like her. She somtimes refers to God as She and she pretty much hates George Bush. I like to think I am a lot like her, minus the dreadlocks. She has a lot of angry negative thoughts, like me. She can be crass about it, like me. She puts it all out there and doesn't worry about what people think, not like me. Maybe if I were more like her I would write genius books and have a Guggenheim fellowship. Like I even know what that is.

Here is an excerpt: 

"I nursed my resentments and disgrace like young plants, watering them, trimming back the dead leaves, making sure they got enough sunlight."

"At times like these, I believe that Jesus rolls up his sleeves, smiles roguishly, and thinks, "This is good." He lets me get nice and crazy until I can't take my own thinking and solutions for one more moment. The next morning I got on my knees and prayed, "Please, please help me. Please let me feel You while I adjust to not getting what I was hoping for." And then I remembered rule 1: When all else fails, follow instructions. And rule 2: Don't be an asshole"

She's not Beth Moore. but she makes her point.

Yup, that's where I've been for awhile. Crazy tired of my own thoughts. So how nice to have a little gift show up at Borders today. Plan B, Further Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott.

lil livvie

So Liv has a great weekend coming up at Life Change Camp. The band she plays in is doing worship for a high school rally. This is a picture from when she got to do a recording session last summer.

I haven't posted about what I am reading lately because it is trashy. Sometimes you just need a break. I have started Reading Lolita in Tehran which is going to be very worthwhile.

More later.. I have been thinking about how chic lit hasn't really changed over the years and how women fantasize about weird things.